These are just notes to myself on how to conduct myself at trial. In this last semester, I have practiced in the role of a trial attorney and have watched trial attorneys conduct trials in the court room. I have also watched regular people conduct their own trial, and it is usually like watching a train-wreck. The reason is that being an attorney is sort of a special skill. It's not just about arguing or about who can yell out the most things. If it is is, I'm sure the talking TV heads will be amazing at it.  It's about knowing the rules, knowing the audience, and mastering your story telling.

That being said, I have seen some laypeople conduct a trial on their own quite well. On the flip side, I have seen some very educated people screw up their trial. I once saw a doctor conduct a trial in where he was being sued for battery because he knowingly gave his former lover genital herpes. Yes, knowingly giving your lover and failing to disclose this fact counts as battery. The doctor was just horrible. An opening statement is where you just tell the story of what happened, albeit in your favor. The doctor went on all sort of non-relevant tangents in his opening statement despite the judge's instruction that it's best if he goes in a linear story format. And I guess that's a good way to start off with my notes.

#1) KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE
You're either going to have a trial in front of a jury or a judge. Know what the judge and jury wants. With a judge, who was once upon a time an attorney, will probably get less annoyed with objections because he understands the legal reasoning behind it. The jury will probably won't, and they'll just think that you're not letting people speak.

#2) BE RESPECTFUL
a) Show the proper decorum for the court. Use terms like "Your Honor" and so on.
b) Stand when you speak.
c) Let the other side finish speaking. Don't interrupt them. Nothing pisses off the judge and the court reporter who is transcribing what you're saying than two speaking at once. Can you imagine trying to type two voices at once?
d) Speak slowly. Always better to go too slow than too fast.
e) Use proper English rather than street talk. Don't use the word "bang". Use "sexual activity" or something more formal.
f) Don't be too aggressive. There's probably a better way for you to get your point across in a non-aggressive manner. 

#3) KEEP ON YOUR POKER FACE.
a) Keeping on a poker face sort of is in the same line as showing respect to the court but always keep on your poker face, no matter if you're winning or losing. My co-counsel and I were beating the other side badly in our mock trial and we kept on smiling. This was bad. It looked like we're smirking and the judge thought we were being disrespectful. Keep your poker face on.

#4) HOW TO MAKE AN OBJECTION
a) Stand up, say objection, say the reason why (such as irrelevance, hearsay, highly prejudicial), and look at the judge. Hopefully, he rules in your favor without asking you to elaborate. If there is a pause and he is on the fence, do elaborate on your reasoning behind your objection.
b) Jurists usually don't like an attorney who objects too often. Neither do judges. You can get around this for objections such as compound questions by just being apologetic about it. Say something the lines such as, "Objection. Compound question. I don't mean to keep interrupting but for the sake of a clean record...."

#5) HOW TO SABOTAGE THE OPPOSING COUNSEL's DIRECT EXAMINATION
a) A direct examination is an question and answer session where a party will put on their own witness to build their case. For example, in a criminal case, the prosecution would call upon the victim, the police officer, and any other witnesses that is helpful to their case. As opposing counsel, you don't want this to go so well. Witnesses can tell really good stories that can hurt your client's case.
b) To counter this, you should object even if there isn't a really good reason. They teach us in law school  to only object if the question or answer violates one of the rules of evidence. Fortunately, a trial attorney taught me that it's kind of a stupid lesson, that you can object even when you don't think you'll win the objection to mess with the rhythm of the question and answer question. You don't want to the witnesses to get too comfortable.
c) But most of the time, if the witness does tell a really good story, object to it on the grounds that it's a narrative or that the testimony doesn't answer the question or goes beyond the call of the question.

#6) HOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR OWN DIRECT EXAMINATION GOES WELL
a) Tell your witness not to look at you when answering the question but to look to the jury or judge. Remember your audience! If you have a jury trial, stand near the jury box but not so near where you'll get in trouble. If you stand near enough to the jury box, the witness will naturally look at the jury.

7) HOW TO SABOTAGE OPPOSING COUNSEL'S CROSS-EXAMINATION OF YOUR WITNESS
a) a cross examination is the opposing counsel's turn to mess with your witness. He or she will try to ask your witness questions after your witness is done testifying for you. Opposing counsel will try to impeach your witnesses' credibility, recollection/memory, or show biases in your witnesses. It's hard to fully protect your witness because you don't know what the questions are going to be asked or how your witness is going to answer.
b) But you can tell your witness to pause for a few seconds, maybe one or two or three seconds before answering the question. This will give you time to think of an objection to the question if warranted. You can always object as the witness testifies but you don't want to cut off your own witness as she testifies and the jury will hate you for that. It's better for you to get in your objection before your witness even begin to speak.

8) HOW TO CONDUCT YOUR OWN CROSS-EXAMINATION
a) If the opposing counsel tells their own witnesses to pause before answering your questions on cross-examination, there is little you can do with that.
b) The attorney for the witness will want their witness to look at the jury or judge when answering the question. You want them to look away from the jury or judge when they answer their question. To do this, stand away from the jury. If they don't care where you stand and is still looking the jury, act confused and politely asked them who they are looking at since you're asking them the question.
c) Stare them down. Staring people down make people uncomfortable and screws up their rhythm.
d) Create succinct close-ended question that forces the witness to answer in a yes or no. Do not use open-ended question. So for example, if you have a police brutality case, do not ask, "Did you strike Mr. Smith with your baton?" The officer will try to explain it away, and most cops, as professional witnesses, are pretty good at it. He'll probably say something like, "Yes, I did strike him but it was with reasonable force and I thought he was reaching for something."

Instead, try something like, "You hit Mr. Smith with your baton didn't you?" This suggest to the officer that he should just try to answer yes or no with your question. Of course, the officer will still try to explain the situation. Don't be rude and interrupt him. Show the jury that you're the bigger man and politely instruct him that these are yes or no questions and that he shouldn't go beyond the call of the question. If he does, ask the judge to strike his answer as non-responsive.

e) And remember to get a yes or no. Sometimes, a witness will just nod or shake their head. Or they'll say "mmhmmm" rather than a yes or no. They may do this unconsciously. Or they maybe doing it because they're trying to give you a hard time. Just remind them that the court recorder is trying to transcribe their testimony and a court reporter can't transcribe a nod or a "mmmhmmm" and that they should clearly and loudly say yes or no.

f) Sometimes, a witness will begin smirking at you. You can let it go but you can also try a move that is high risk, high reward. I saw an attorney try it in the court room. He basically told the witness, "Don't smirk at me. I'm not interested in your smirks. Do you think this case is funny? Are you not taking this case seriously?" The attorney got yelled at by the judge for his remarks but I thought it was worth it. The attorney was letting the witness know that he's not one to fuck with.

Well, this is what I remember for now. Feel free to comment but I just had to transcribe it for my own purposes of becoming at trial lawyer.

g) CLARIFY YOUR QUESTIONS
 I once observed a case where the issue is whether the defendant had intentionally rammed into the plaintiff with her shoulder. The defendant claimed that she did not ram the plaintiff, that if she made any contact, it was an accidental brush. The attorney asked the witness if she saw the defendant ram the plaintiff. The witness said no. The attorney realized that "No" meant two things here. Either the witness was looking away when the contact occurred and therefore didn't see any ramming (and can't say for sure whether or not there was ramming) or she was looking the at the two parties when the contact did occur but noticed that there was no ramming. So depending on the case, you may need to clarify your questions.

Ughh, I went to a banquet on Friday with an open bar and proceeded to get hammered. Somehow, my goal of hooking up with girls ended up to me hitting on them sloppily and puking by the end of the night. Ughh...

But yeah, I realized that eventually, I just want to stop with this lifestyle and get married and  maybe have a kid. Below is a picture I find cute and funny. Just a guy with his wife and his son on his lap at a hockey game. And the son goes gaga for hockey violence.